The hottest looks for your virtual prom

Adam Schuh, Staff Writer

April is here, which means it’s officially prom season. Just because we’re quarantined to our houses and legally barred from being closer than 6 feet from friends and family doesn’t mean that we can’t still virtually dance the night away. Some of you may have picked out that perfect dress or tux months ago, but it’s safe to say that was a total waste of money. 

So as you prepare for your magical evening under the fluorescent lights of your basement, we’ve got some of the hottest outfits to keep you looking sharp and feeling safe on prom night.

1. Beekeeper suit

The beekeeper suit is for those looking to express how they take on life, head-on and in the fast lane. Danger? Where?

The egg-shell white mixed with gold honey splotches gives off the vibes that you’re pure but you wear the stains of your past on your sleeve. The netting makes it easy to avoid eye contact, and the sagginess of the material is proof of its breathable, non-restricting fit.

When it comes to preventing viral transfers, though, the face is exposed, so we recommend keeping some attack bees as security in case spreading begins to occur.

2. Diving Helmet

When you think of a diving helmet, the cyclops from the 2004 Spongebob movie immediately comes to mind. This is good. This accessory is both practical and swanky. For instance, in the case of rain, no worries if you didn’t have time to do hair or makeup. 

This headwear would also pair nicely with a hook hand and a shark tooth necklace to compliment the maritime aesthetic. The entire mouth and nostril region of your face is protected, so no need to stress about accidentally infecting yourself with germs and other bacteria.

3. Hazmat suit

We’ve seen it before and we’ll see it again. The hazmat suit is here to stay, and for good reason. As one of the most protective, insulating outfits on the market, it offers complete body coverage and leaves little room for error. I mean, there’s a reason why they were prominently featured in box office hits such as “E.T.” and “Outbreak.”

Visibility is clear so top-notch makeup is a priority, but try not to breathe up a storm because condensation does exist and it will show itself.

4.  Morph suit

The morph suit has a purpose, and that purpose is movement. Being the least constraining outfit comes with the expectation that moves will be busted and pops will be locked. This piece is geared towards those with high levels of flexibility who don’t have body dysmorphia and could fit in a jack in the box if they felt so inclined. 

Shaving your head beforehand is encouraged because hair stretches the fabric and ruins the dimensions. Take note, ladies. In terms of virus entry though, not a chance.

5. Hospital gown

The hospital gown is the sign of the white flag. You’ve given up. If you don’t already have the disease, you’re embracing it head-on, taking no precautions and letting it all hang loose. 

By this point you’ve weighed the options and found lemonade and oatmeal cookies more valuable than your life. The dance is your last hurrah, and no mask was gonna take your breath away. You did that all by yourself.