Need milk? Buy a cow

Senior Sam Downer and his freshman sister Lucy plan on buying a cow this summer

RJ Brewster, Staff Writer

Senior Sam Downer and his freshman sister Lucy have decided to purchase a cow. You may ask, why would they buy a cow? You are probably wondering, how they will take care of a cow? Surely you are thinking, who is going to take care of the Downer Family Cow?

The reason for this cow purchase is simple. They do not want to spend money on milk when they can just use their cows. Simple… right? However that is not their only plan. 

When asking Sam about the grueling duty of taking care of a cow, Sam responded, “Mind over matter. You don’t mind, then it don’t matter baby!”

This mindset is key for taking the responsibility of their “main milker,” to fully embrace this grueling occupation Sam has requested the nickname, “the milkman.”

The Downer family has a history with animals. They have three dogs: Brodie, Bailey, and Georgia. Their love for animals has now gotten them to make one of the biggest decisions in their lifetime: buying a cow.

“Having a bunch of dogs is really fun, but my family needed something different. In this case my brother Sam had the idea of buying a cow. Somehow my parents liked the idea.” Lucy stated.

It is difficult to grasp just how much a cow affects the day to day lives of the family. A new space of land will need to be cleared out of the quaint Brookhaven backyard for the cow to graze in the day, and Sam Downer, the milkman, would need to serve the every need of the new cow.

Sam has some words for all the people that doubt his cow abilities. “No matter how good I am at everything, some people are always going to doubt,” he said, “I will still sell milk to you doubters, but you better believe the price tag is going up!” 

The new edition to the Downer clan is expected to arrive in June, and Lucy could not be happier.

When asked about the arrival of the beautiful bovine, Lucy responded in near tears. “I love it. I love it already,” she cried. “It will be like a daughter to me, and I will love my daughter cow until the end of time!”

Sam and Lucy’s father, Jeff Downer, arguably one of the nation’s finest granite installers, has decided that they will sell the milk they get for a profit. Is it legal? Who knows. One thing’s for certain. The Downer house will never be the same.