Have you been watching too much “Homeland”? As a child, did you dream of joining the CIA? Would you like to learn how to force information out of America’s greatest enemies? Join Mrs. Wilcauskas in the library and learn how to perform some of the CIA’s enhanced interrogation techniques!

During all three lunch periods this week, the library will be teaching students interrogation techniques.

According to librarian Megggggggggggan (spelling?) Wilcauskas, “This lunch and learn was born out of my obsession with ‘Zero Dark Thirty.’ I’ve watched the movie so many times I can quote it, and for Christmas, my family got me tickets to a workshop where they teach you interrogation techniques from the movie. I felt like these methods could be valuable for me to pass on to the community and I’m all about offering our students every opportunity to prepare them for the next steps in their lives.”

Dreaming of becoming a spy after college, senior JR Hull has been researching ways to get recruited by the CIA. Besides majoring in International Affairs next year, he’s also been taking parkour classes to get his body in top condition for when he’s tapped.

“My trainer always tells me that I naturally move like a cat, so parkour has come pretty second nature to me. I know that’s not necessarily something to brag about, though, because lots of people can do flips and jump off walls, so that’s why I’m excited about this Lunch and Learn. I think that already knowing how to waterboard someone will help me stand out in CIA training and raise me above the rest.”

Instead of looking toward their futures, Juniors Witt Hollensbe and Henry Guynn just want to gain another skill on top of what they’ve learned from attending the library’s previously offered workshops.

“I learned how to knit at the last one. I’m ready to kick things up a notch,” Hollensbe said.

“When I went to the Georgia United Credit Union Lunch and Learn I got this red carabiner and learned all about retirement,” said Guynn as he held up his carabiner. “I’m excited for this one because I hear Mrs. Tanis and Mrs. Wilcauskas really know their stuff.”

“Some of our previous Lunch and Learns have been a bit bland in my opinion, so it’s liberating to be teaching something with some action. It’s important we protect allies like Israel.” said Wilcauskas.

Students will be guaranteed action since dummies won’t be provided and students will have to practice their techniques on one another.

“Mrs. Wilcauskas and I agreed that the best way to practice is to do it for real. The students need to know what it feels like to be on both sides of the interrogation,” said librarian Robin Tanis.

Sophomore Lindsey Broadway said, “I’m a little concerned about having one of my friends throw me against a wall to get information out of me, but I think in the end it’ll just make me stronger. I pride myself on being the best secret keeper I know.”

It’s no secret that students are raving about the library’s latest Lunch and Learn. Sign up on their Sign Up Genius page to reserve your spot!